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Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Does "Love" has anything to do with marriage and its long lasting success?

Does 'love' has anything to do with marriage and its longevity???

Surprisingly, no.

We Indians are the perfect living example of this quest.

We are making a mockery of this so called 'love' with our arranged marriages when the rest of the world is turbulent with their love marriages and its short life.

But..the credit should go to our forefathers' brilliance in drawing the clauses in such a way to make our marriages a 'forever' one.

Even in this modern day and age..we still arrange marriages and it still withstand the whither and tither to last through a whole life time!

when the rest of the world is suffering from broken homes, children out of wedlocks, and many number of single parents, we are safely cocooned in our love-less nests!

Does it mean that love is not essential to make a marriage work?


But..if westerners try to copy this method..it'll definitely backfire!

How come a successful strategy for Indians will bring failure to westerners?

Because..Our culture, our long standing traditions, our male chauvinistic society and Religion ..all have a major role in making our arranged marriages into a roaring success!

Our culture frown upon male-female friendship. It doesn't allow interactions between male and female. Even an innocent friendship attracts criticism. In this way..it successfully eliminates the danger of infatuation, lust and love. Let's be honest..even today..with all their economic independence and education, women still hesitate to befriend a male! Initiating a spontaneous 'hi' is still a hard task for them. After getting over this cultural hangover, most ppl find it easy to mingle with the opposite sex.

Naturally..Cupid's arrow hit some of them. but when it comes to marriage..again culture raises it's ugly head and stops them from pursuing their love. Religion, caste, economic status, educational status, family status, societal pressure and Dowry.. almost all the above become the reason for their cowardliness.

In India..marriage is not just between 2 people..a willing male and female. It's between 2 families. 2 families mean ..the entire clan!:)

These entire cultural concepts have been drummed into their heads from childhood.

What are the qualifications expected from women to become a bride?

Women are to be submissive..in sugar coated words..she is to be more understanding of anything and everything..in other words, no self respect, no ego and no pride!! Women should fall in love at first sight of their in-laws,..i.e..mother-in-law, father-in-law, sister-in-law, brother inlaw, aunt-in-law, uncle-in-law,grandma-in-law, grandpa-in-law..and don't forget the distant ones..phewww..again the entire clan! Women should take care of their in-laws till their last breath where as men need not! Virginity is a must for women. Having a past life is still an unpardonable sin even though their virginity is intact! They need to be moderately intelligent.but SHOULD NOT be overly brilliant!

They should have fairly good educational qualifications. But it need not [ should not?] be higher than their men. They should belong to the same religion, same caste,same sub sect..! They should be pious. Our culture abhors atheism in women.

Dowry tops the qualifications list. Their Dowry need to be considerably more than the groom's worth!

What self-respecting women would go through the humiliation of giving dowry to get her a husband? Western women would think like that. But Indian girls from their childhood are trained to see this as a respectful, sometimes even a proud gesture, a certain show-off to gain her rightful place in this society.

Goodlooks and fair skin are a must. But if the dowry is good, good looks can take a back seat.

Child bearing is a must and not at all optional. brood mares? Noooo..call them godly mothers!

Our culture makes motherhood into some divine quality. It's not just a biological phenomenon.

On the whole..Our culture makes women wear this religious cloak, have them follow the rigid rules [ for their own good..of course!] and CLEVERLY put them on a pedestal !

Women are godly creatures. They should be treated with all the respect known to mankind! By giving them the 'Goddess' status, it cleverly keeps them tied !

Let's see the expected qualifications of prospective groom..

Men also not spared..but their rules are more lenient.

From childhood, Indian boys start believing in their superiority to women. Maybe it's not a very conscious effort ...but just by observing the way their parents act, culture, traditions, our so called epics and society, this thought gets engraved on their minds.

Men are to be dominating..[in subtle tones..masterful!]. Men are allowed certain vices and even the 'not allowed sins' they commit are to be forgiven by their womenfolk. 'forgive and forget' is the mantra. [but it applies only to women!]

Taking care of one's family is men's job. both financially and socially. He should always be the master of the house. He cant afford to lose his job, even if his wife is an earning member. It earns him a disgusting 'sissy' tag! Having a string of degrees and a hefty pay cheque gets him a millionaire bride. But whatsoever...it's his earning capacity which decides his price ! Virginity is not a must! Having a past with one or 2 objectionable records is alright as long as his present life is on the 'ok' side.

For men also..marriage comes with 'forever' tag.

There are many a practical problems in marrying a complete stranger.

What if men find their wife to be dumb, what if this wife gets fat and ugly, what if the wife is not cooperative in bed, what if there is a total incompatibility on both sides?

No matter what...Men are stuck with them! The reasons may be wifey' wealth, children or the familial honour or parents' pressure.

This safe gurards the longevity of marriage..but indirectly paves way for extra marital affairs. But as long as it' doesnt affect the sanctity [!] of marriage society turns a blind eye.

Regarding extra marital affairs..what about women? Do they have the same freedom to have affairs?


But they are also human..made of flesh and blood..

What if they find their husbands a dumb, boring ones..in and out of bed?

What if the husband gets hit by impotency ..say..after a couple of kids? After all..impotency is the biggest problem with today's men!

What if the husband turns abusive..physically and mentally?

Still..they have to endure their suffering through silence if they want to keep up their respectful place in the society. because..afterall they are on a pedestal!..and..pedestal-sitting, god-like ,noble women dont break homes at any cost! For children..they can. For themselves..they can not. because..it's considered as ego!
If the life gets imposiibly tortuous, they can opt for divorce. But..after divorce, their respectful 'married' status is gone for ever! Remarriage or second marriage is still a very distant dream for indian women. If the said women have children, she is doomed to live her entire life alone! Protection, safety also become a big question. Who would
save her from molesters, rapists, flirts, lechers of this world??? A divorced woman is a self-made widow! The social stigma is a nightmare!

No wonder women stick with their married life. 'no Option for out' is the cunning and clever clause and the credit goes to our forefathers.

So..no sane women would opt for divorce, unless the going gets too tough!

So..on the whole...culture, Religion, traditions, society, castism..everything have a stranglehold on our life.

Yes..For most Indians..marriage is a 'Gilded Cage'!

The brutal reality is..

The so called 'love'..eternal or true is not essential for a lasting marriage. Interestingly..most indians never experience 'love' in their life. Infatuation?..yes. Lust?..definitely. But love? A big question.

I must agree that even after all the above negative points, the result is a big positive one.

What are the positive outcome?

Indian arranged marriages give stability...safety, companionship if not love, society's support, family's monetary and emotional support, and it's moral backing.

For the two strangers who are tied together through marriage,the initial stage..the 'honeymoon period' goes in a jiffy. After all sex is the most powerful weapon. Within 5 years, arrival of kids keeps them busy. There goes another 10-15 years.

After 20 years of being together,gone through a lot of challenges life had thrown at them ..it makes them really a part of each other. They develop a certain affection for each other. Their dependability on each other is enormous. Each become a 'habit' to the other one. We all know habits die hard!

But..The crucial period of every marriage starts now. Because...by this time they reach the 'bored with each other' state. Becasue there was and still is no love-lost between them ..so the passion is missing. Without passion and love, they find it difficult to pass through this mid-life, mid-marriage crisis. children leaving home also adds fuel to the fire. The empty-nest syndrome affects them both. then how our marriages last despite all?

Here is where our societal pressures jumps in to make sure that these couple dont get split.

Once passing this crisis period, these couples turn into 'made for each other' ones.Old age and it's emotional and physical dependability on each other makes it an unbreakable bond! When they turn 60, their whole world start revolving round each other! but how could anyone honestly call this 'love'?

How many couples are truly happy in their marriage?

How many couples are truly in love with each other?

It's the social compulsions that keeps them together .

Even in this century, our so called well educated, economically independent women and men still opt for arranged marriages. Hassle-free, wallet-safe, heart-safe, easy-way-out! It may continue to do so..until society and culture 's stranglehold slacken !

It's no use in sugar coating it with 'love after marriage'. Love is not something we can manipulate according to our whims and fancies!!

Our arranged marriages are a cold-blooded, well-drawn out business contract with tightened clauses and no options.

No wonder it boasts a roaring success.

After all..any good business strategy should attain success..:):)

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Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Supreme Court and Live-in Relationships

Recently Supreme Court declared that live-in relationships are not offensive in any way!

In any way??

How could a responsible judicial system dish out a verdict like this?

I'm not going to take a moral stand on this issue.

I agree, when 2 consenting adults decide to live together without the binding, humdrum legalities of matrimony, it's not an offense.
It's their fundamental right.

But, in the name of fundamental rights, judiciary let out the vicious evil scot free which is extremely offensive to the familial setup we enjoy in India.

Live-in relationships boasts of nothing but lust! Of course lust is a positive, healthy emotion. But Lust comes with a lot of strings..like procreation.

Condoms are NOT foolproof! Accidents happen!

What of the children born out of wedlock?

Dont our so-called Judiciary has any responsibility towards children , the future rulers of this country??!!

After all. by recognizing such live-in relationships, Judiciary is stomping unconcernedly on such children's fundamental Rights!

Children have no fundamental rights?

Western world has so many good things to ape ! But why we always hellbent on aping the worst from them? Just by watching them, we all know what happens when giving
in to the popular term 'fundamental rights'! Single mothers, foster homes, ever increasing Juvenile homes, resulting in more heinous crimes.

It's influence on one's emotional equilibrium is more dangerous and disastrous. Thus developed the western society which is full of bitter, cynical,
emotionally robbed off, extremely lonely people!

Do we want that here in India?

Live-in relationships are nothing but Lust of convenience! Those who don't trust each other, who are commitment-shy, who hate responsibilities, who lack mutual respect
indulge in such relationships. If this is what live-in relationships offer, is it advisable to advocate it? It's definitely, undoubtedly anti-social!

Indulge in lust as much as u want! There ends that couple's so-called Fundamental Rights! Coming out of ur house, voicing ur anti social thoughts is crime..cz it
influence many innocent, uncorrupted young minds. It's a known fact that bad things attract!

Fundamental rights are alright..only when practiced in good causes. Exploiting it at every given opportunity and Judiciary joining hands with such attitude is highly worrying!
After all. Judiciary is not only responsible for keeping the constitutional rights. It has social responsibilities too!

If judiciary is going to act like "we act according to law and within law '..then they better stay out of such socially affecting, grossly misleading verdicts.

The pathetic thing is..the Judge quoted from Hindu mythology 'Krishna and Radha' to support his verdict.

If so..polygamy should also be acceptable..should be considered as fundamental rights!

A woman can have 5+1 husbands!

All brothers can marry the same woman!

Being a Playboy like Krishna is laudable!

Wooing and lusting after another man's wife [Radha]is not a crime!

Infidelity [Radha] attains god-like status!

All the above mythological deeds are..by far and above..comes under fundamental rights.

But..if we apply it in our real life in the name fundamental rights..it's a sure, potent cocktail
for total destruction of our civlised, social set up.

Humans are polygamous by nature. But civilization demands certain discipline. If procreation is not involved in this issue, Live-in relationships are not going to cause that much problem
with societal setup.

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Sunday, March 14, 2010

A wife's fantasy ride on Time machine - short story

Fantasy! This single word has enormous power to make our heart flutter..

I'm whirring fassst¦ Time machine taking me to Stone age /
Wowww! beautiful dense forests... clean air... sparklingly clean water...
Who is standing there in that apple garden?
What r they doing... fighting clawing groping.. ewww! 2 hairy animals! No No it's humans!!

Oh my god!! Is this the famous Adam and Eve?!

Hairy bodies, yellow teeth.. smelly breath... yucky! Oh my.. what are they upto? !

Growling like animals they r clawing each other and ouch! No wonder that lady screams in pain!

Enough of this barbarians! God i'm scared! I would like to have a word with Milton for making them sound like some sweet smelling angels in his Paradise Lost! what a realisation !!

Whizzzzzzzzzzzzz...... going to 1800s

Ahaaa..the streets r well planned! That temple looks great. Bullock carts and horses fill the roads.

Is that what king's palace? must be...

Palace is filled with gold statues. Walls r painted with gems and pearls.. I should take back some of these fortune..

but where is the king?...

There he is! Romancing his lady love.. queen..
Hey wait! That king looks like my hubby!!!! oh my that's him! How dare he romancing another lady!?....

I stalk down the long corridor and pull king away from that lady[lady psst]'s clutches..

Hubby , no no.. king, turns his angry eyes on me "Who are you, wench?™

U ungrateful ape! I'm your wife!

You r wearing men's garb, wench! Are u a spy? Is this some ploy to kill me?
Don't try to act smart, Hub! U r not to touch her!!
King rolls his eyes and claps his hands and 2 soldiers appears...
Take this crazy looking wench to prison. Tomorrow burn her to death!
Aww no court! no arguments! no justice!

Our 2000 sounds better!

I start running for my life.. jumping on my time machine! whirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrr.......

Phewwww 1800s wont do! let me try 1900s

Americaaaaaaaaaaaa! ohh hooooooooo

Men look dirty, sporting long hair, too many bead chains around their neck, cigs lolling on the side of their mouth...

Women look dirtier with their nicotine teeth, drug induced glazy eyes

I go into a bar..

Hey who is dancing there that's 'him' again! my hub now with a different woman? !
I go up to him and push him hard!
He goes sprawling on dance floor...

Whoa babe eazy ! eazy ! what's up? You wanna dance with me? is that what this is all about ? !

How dare u dance with her... that dirty looking ****!! U r my hub, remember?
Oh ...me ur hub? !

Guffaws all around......

I realize i'm in 1900s and not in 2008..

But how the hell this hub of mine didnt romance me even once in all of his births????!!!!

Grrrrrrrrrr....runs back to my time machine

Y this damn machine is not starting kicking hardddddddddd....

Ouch! stop that wife ! U r hurting me!

I am lying on my bed, waking form my crazy dream.. hub practically rattling my teeth by shaking me...

Sorry honey! I thought I was kicking my time machine.. he he...


On seeing his face, , all my anger at seeing him with other women comes back in full force..
But don't talk to me! i'm angry with u!

Err.. started early today eh ? he grins..

But see.. i have a valid reason. I saw u romancing other women in 1800 and 1900!!

Valid indeed ! ! Don't be stupid wife! U and your weird dreams...

Yes..I know. still...

Hey know what.. u were a dirty American hippy in your 1900s birth and a King in 1800s birth..

But sadly, u were not a boring doctor like now!.. I giggle

Still how could he romance other women?... thoughts started nagging me

Hey! may be it was me all the time! Maybe I looked different in my previous births.. he he..

awww..fantasy works in all ways !! lolz

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